A Velazquez (gesundheit)

For the MakeLab section of foundations we where each instructed to recreate a painting in the form of a sculpture. My sculpture was based on Las Meninas by Diego Velazquez.


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The Great Boat Disapointment.

Many havent asked things like; “What are you doing with that boat?”, and “Whats all this about a boat?”, and “Dont you have anything better to do than blabber about a freeeking boat?” Well for none of you curious little jidder bugs out there, I present to you, The Story of the GREAT BOAT DISAPOINTMENT!

The story began long ago when the tale of a project where you are required to stupidely assemble a vehicle and hurle it down a hill, a very scary hill. After little though a member of out cozy little group recomended useing a bout and adding wheels. Meaning a rowboat, we interpreted it to mean a 16 ft motorboat with a 115HP motor on it. after much procrastination and alot of planning we settled on a design whose complexity and enginuity is beyond any pesons ability to explain. After a long Week of hard work we pulled it off, a fully drivable boat that could turn stop.

Testing day came, and after a few finishing touches she was ready tor her mayden voyage. So it happened that we, The Alfred university boat team, A subcidiary of Acquisition Incorporated,  dragged our bout up the the testing facility to comence scientific examiniation of our briliant design. Upon our arival it turned out that the tesing would take place on a hill ending in a small clif, and that all of the distances for the agility testing had been severely reduced. At first sight the student judges decided that although the boat did not tecnically break any of the stated rules and regulations, they fely it was “Not safe” and that “If you think otherwise you need to be… (He got cut off at this point by someone else, but was preforming the steryotypical crazy hand gesture)”.

At that point, disapointed, we turned away and left. Since earlier today when the testing occured I have had time to think about what has happened today and have come to several conclusions. First, that although Alfred’s Enginering program designed this project to presumabely inspire young minds to think outside the box and take a leap of faith and create something briliant that can change the way people thing in the future. We also learned that allowing students to write and enfore the rulles of a project that envolves an extended amount of work, effort, and expense is likely an idea that can only end in disaster.

As you may be able to image we are a bit upset about this disision to “No Boat” and plan on fighting this ruthles decision at all costs.

Updates to come.


There’s Always Money In The Banana Cart!

For our final project in the CoLab section of Foundations Art we where instructed to find something that was missing in Alfred (other than people, warmth, and things to do [well maybe things to do…]) and devise a way to fulfill the need. For this projects we where to work in groups that we where able to chose based on the need that we wanted to fulfill. Additionally we where instructed to construct a cart of some sort to “peddle” our solution.

My group decided to tackle the lack of Fair Trade Organic BANANAS in Alfred and the surrounding areas. we planned on doing this by first constructing a banana crate themed rolling “Bazaar” style cart, then purchasing a case of Fair Trade Organic bananas and pushing the cart around Alfred giving them out and collecting donations.


We where instructed to do a few tasks while peddling aboot in Alfred;

  • Develop a research question.
  • Pick something to track.
  • Pick a way of tracking it.
  • Track it.
  • Make sense of it.

So, in order, here we go!

Q: Is their even a way for us to get these Fair Trade and Organic bananas to paddle around?

Q: Does anyone actually want these fancy bananas? If we get them, will we be able to get rid of them?

Q: Is this something that people would be willing to pay for?

Q: Is this a sustainable model that can be recreated in the future?

A: Yes, The Rouge Carrot is able to special order Fair Trade Organic bananas, but does not normally stock them in store!

A: Yes, People do like fancy bananas, in two days we managed to unload 36 POUNDS of banana! That is over 100 BANANA!

A: Yes, although we did not make a “profit” per say, we managed to recoup the cost of the bananas and can now afford a second case (Maybe).

A: Sort of, people where definitely interested, but more data is necessary to determine if i can drop out of school and pursue the banana cart full time. For the time being, I am hoping to be able to peddle some banana on hot dog day weekend, then we will see where we are at!


Originally i had wanted to track the distribution of banana over time, but found that one could not simply track a banana, and that the simply flew off our cart faster than the eye, or note taker, could see! Additionally i found that the time spent trying to track the distribution of bananas could better be spent informing people about bananas. in the end i decided the best way to track the success of the banana cart was not in confusion or double takes, but in awareness and dollars!

Tracking dollars was easy enough, we put out a donation can, people put money in it, we counted the money. Tracking awareness proved to be a bit more difficult. In the end we determined the best thing we could do was to point people in the right direction and hope they understood what we where trying to do. We did this by displaying informational posters on the Banana Cart as well as put stickers with a URL to a informational site on each banana.

We collected about $46, or about $.50 per banana.

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Type Writer, Telephone, Man With Car, Police, Boy With Feet.

Here we have a prime example of the interpretive video sequence in which we can see a series of short clips assembled to convey a message. In this video we see some fingers typing which can represent the hustle and bustle of modern society, which is then further enforced by the depiction of a “modern” metropolis. Next we see a vat of molten metal which represents societies fast paced and “hot” daily life. After that we see a man making a phone call to a man with a face giving some sort of speech about the need to protect or children and their way of life. Next we see a frantic man running from his home and taking some sort of adventurous trip. Later on we see the Man In Car noticing a hot dog stand, and the rest is history. If you are still reading at this point, kudos to you! Leave a comment analyzing the video bellow, it FUN (not really).



The Great Boat Adventure, The MOVIE (trailer)

In Foundations we have been learning a bit about video and audio. As i’m sure you all know The Great Boat Adventure happened. For foundations I had to collect audio samples and I decided to collect them about The Great Boat Adventure. In the future I plan to combine all of these audio clips to form a single longer and coherent story to share with the world. Till then, here is 45 seconds of my recordees trying to figure out what a boat is, and where to begin talking about it (plus a bit of footage from the fiasco)


The Great Boat Adventure


Today Acquisitions Incorporated LLC acquired a boat. You heard me right, a FREEKIN BOAT! The four ******** in the group need to make a **** **** ***** *** for *** *** *** at the *** of the ****. Long story short, the *** is a boat, and we drove to Greece to buy it! The day had a lot of troubles along the way, from difficulties getting lighting hooked up for the trailer, to every antique store either being closed or non existent. On our way we found a bakery and bought pastries for lunch, then after a ton of driving we stumbled across an Indian restaurant where we ate an early dinner. After dinner we meat up with the man we where to buy the boat from, and after digging it out of the snow and prying the ice off of it, we where on our way back home.

Today’s photos are brought to you by the letter KYLE. Kyle was our friendly photographer today because I was driving. (sorry)

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Stitch My Way To the Moon!

In CoLab this week we where broken up into groups and instructed to create maps of the resources in Alfred. We decided to represent Harder hall (art headquarters)create a cozy combination between a concept map, a space ship, and some sewing.

We used the space ship to represents the Mother ship we call Harder, a series of patches to depict the assorted resources in harder, and a few pockets to add a few more physical resources and art materials.

Here are a few progress pictures and final pictures. Unfortunately these where taken using a cell phone and may not have the amount of resolution I would have preferred, but hopefully they will be good enough.

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A love letter to…

CoLab students (that’s me) where instructed to chose a place or a notion that is or represents Alfred.

I selected our local friendly family Wal-Mart.

I decided that i loved Wal-Mart because if provides many services that are vital to my survival as a collage student. It clothes me, feeds me, entertains me, and loves me. To express my love for the Wal-Mart I decided to create a series of post cards that documented the may services the Wal-Mart provides, as well as inscribe them with letters of admiration to again convey my respect, need, and love of the Wal-Mart. Originally I had created two sets of these postcards with the intention of mailing one and keeping the other, but i never built up the courage to tell the Wal-Mart or my feelings, and I am not sure I ever will.

Below is a picture of the front and back of each of the postcards created to express my love of the Wal-Mart. Click on it to enlarge the image!



With Loss Comes Discovery.

As many of you may not know (because I never told you) with the beginning of a new semester came the news that some of our good friends had become a statistic. Their comes a time in every persons life when they to must be a statistic, but for some it comes to soon.

The Rylander (Rhylander? Rielander? Rilander?) was a friend, a fellow dingus, and a fool to pass the time with. On January 18th when Chris, Kyle, Bert, the Rymonger (different), and myself returned to campus we learned that the great Rylander had dropped out of collage, and become a statistic. Before he left us we where able to take a exquisite portrait of is doofy mug which will forever be cherished by the great men of “Acquisitions Incorporated LLC.” (That’s what we call ourselves by the way).

IMG_8695To honor the great Rylander i call to the world to find the doofyest picture of someone else you know and share it with the world! This is the internet, they have no way of knowing who did it (I believe that is how it works), and worst case scenario you can always delete it because nothing on the internet is permanent (again, speculations here).

BERT being a cat (poorly)

The Chris attempting to  attract a suitable mate.

The Chris attempting to attract a suitable mate.

The Kyle attempting to seduce himself as to be less lonely during these cold winter nights.

The Kyle attempting to seduce himself as to be less lonely during these cold winter nights.

The elusive wiled Rymonger, being 1/2 vampire (much like myself) does not appear on conventional digital photography an further research is needed in to capturing his essence on a computronic box machine.